Identity Crisis

Steven was an average 8 year old boy that went to school, had friends, played video games, ate junk food, watched TV and all of the other things that little boys did. He came from a loving home and had a 5-year-old brother. Everything was normal and ideal, then things started getting strange.

Monday

Steven awoke feeling a bit strange. He couldn’t pinpoint what was wrong. He seemed to be laying on something uncomfortable and his head felt peculiar. He climbed out of bed and walked over to his mirror. He felt something warm brushing against his legs as he walked. When he saw his reflection, he couldn’t believe his eyes and gasped in shock! His human ears were gone, replaced with a pair of furry pointy ears at the top of his head. He hoped that they were somehow fake and raised his hands up to the top of his head to feel the ears. When his hands made contact with the ears, he felt his hands touching them and they felt warm, whatever they were, they were definitely real!

It was then that he remembered the warm thing brushing against his legs. He realized that not only did he feel something brushing against his legs but he could feel whatever it was making contact with his legs! He took a deep breath and turned around and looked over his shoulder at the reflection in the mirror.

What he saw terrified him. He had a furry ringed tail! It was bushy and was nearly as long as his legs! His shorts had a small tail-hole in which the tail was threaded though. It looked as if it has always been there and that his clothes were designed for it.

He was confused, last night his clothes were normal and he definitely didn’t have the tail or ears of an animal! He gently petted the tail with his hands. It felt so strange; it was so soft and warm. What was most disturbing however was that he could feel himself petting it, however this tail got here, it was definitely ‘his’.

“How am I going to explain this to Mom and Dad?” he asked himself out loud, terrified that they’d take him to a doctor and he’d up being hauled away as freak. He thought about hiding the tail with his clothes, with some effort, it could be done, but the ears would be another matter.

He thought about it for a few minutes, then decided that this was something that he was going to have to tell his parents, this was not some ‘boo boo’ he could take care of himself, this was serious! If anything, it would get him a day off of school at least. With a sigh, he nervously walked downstairs to where his Mother was making breakfast. She saw the worried look on his face and walked over to him.

“What’s wrong?” she asked. Pointed to his new ears and then turned around and showed her his tail.

“Mommy, I have a tail and animal ears! What’s wrong with me!” he nervously asked as he turned around to face her. She looked confused.

“Of course you have the tail and ears of a raccoon, you always have. Now hurry up and get dressed so you can have some breakfast, you don’t want to be late for school.” She nonchalantly answered. This terrified Steven, he had animal parts yet his mother didn’t seem alarmed, in fact she seemed to act as if he had always been like this! He was too afraid to say anything else and slowly walked up the stairs. He was totally befuddled, maybe he really had always been like this and remembering himself otherwise was simply his imagination? When he walked past pictures of himself with his family from a few years ago, he saw that even in them, he had the tail and ears of a raccoon. Maybe his mother was right, maybe he really was imaging that he had always been a ‘normal’ kid.

When he walked back into his room, he opened his drawers and pulled out a pair off pants and a tee shirt. The pants had a tail hole; in fact every pair of pants had a tail hole! As a last possible source of salvation, he walked over to his desk to retrieve his lucky blue cap. His heart sunk when he saw holes that would fit his ears perfectly near the top of it. Was this a dream? No, it felt too real; something about the sights; sounds and smells were just too real to be a dream. Was he losing his mind? Everything seemed to confirm that he had always been like this but his memory. Maybe he had simply forgotten for some reason?

He finished getting dressed and put on his blue cap, went back downstairs and as normal ate breakfast, brushed his teeth and headed off to school. With the expiation of the tail and ears, everything else went as normal. His friend Tommy met him at the corner and they walked to school together. Tommy said nothing about his tail or his ears and didn’t seem surprised by them so he could only guess that the boy saw this as normal. When he got to school, his classroom was in the same place and his teacher and classmates were all the same. The only difference was his chair; it had a slightly bigger hole in the back then normal so his tail would comfortably fit through. He feared that the student behind him would tug on it or something but instead she acted as if it has always been there.

The school day went as normal and by the end of the day he was beginning to get used to it. When he got home, he watched TV then ate supper and did his homework, all as normal. For all intensive purposes, everything was normal, except having the ears and tail of a raccoon. He was beginning to think that he really had always had them and that he had forgotten for some reason. If this was all a prank then it was certainly well played.

When bedtime came, he said that he didn’t need to take a bath because he had taken one the night before, his parents agreed with him and allowed him to go to go to bed without the bath. As he got into his pajamas and crawled into bed. He had to sleep a bit different to avoid lying on his tail but was able to get comfortable. Convinced that everything was going to be fine and that he would get used to his new ‘parts’, he closed his eyes and went to sleep.

Tuesday

Steven again woke up feeling every strange. His face felt warm and his hands and feet just didn’t feel right. He reached down and felt that he still had a raccoons tail, he raised his right hand to feel his head (to check if he still had the raccoon ears) and received an another shock, his entire face felt furry! In a panic, he jumped out of his bed and ran over to the mirror. His reflection was completely different; he had the head of a raccoon, complete with a muzzle and mask. His hands felt funny and he looked down at them to see that they looked more like raccoons paws then human hands. Both hands were covered in a layer of gray fur and he had claws. His fingers were nimble and the palms of his hands more sensitive. He remembers that his feet also felt abnormal and sat down on his bed and raised his right leg, holding it up. His right foot looked more like the foot a raccoon, the arch was gone and the foot was covered in a layer of gray fur. Each of his toes were now the same width, although they were different lengths. The toenails on each toe were now claws. He put his right foot down and raised his left foot to discover that it was in a similar state.

Yesterday, having the tail and ears of a raccoon seemed bad enough, but now his head was a raccoon head and his hands and feet were raccoon hands and feet. How was he going to explain this? How far was this going to go? It terrified him to see his humanity slipping away little by little bit by bit. He again went downstairs. On his way downstairs, he again saw the pictures. In all of the pictures he was in, he had the head of a raccoon as well as a tail and hands and feet. Again, it was like he had always been like this. None of this made any sense! Was he going insane and his memories of being a normal human child a mere delusion? Or was the entire world being affected, including him but somehow he still remembered his old self? He had no real way of knowing or proving that he used to be human, but somehow he had hoped to convince his mother otherwise. His father had already left for work, so he couldn’t convince him.

He ran down the stairs and saw his younger brother eating breakfast. If this wasn’t normal then certainly he would say something, his mother and school friends might be too polite to say something but certain his younger brother would at least point if something was wrong.

Must to his disdain, his brother said hello but didn’t say anything about the fact that he now possessed the head of a raccoon and more. Fearing the worst, he ran over to his mother and cried to her that something was wrong with him. Startled, she turned around and inquired as to what was wrong. He seemed miffed and pointed to his face, tail, hands and feet. She looked confused.

“Steven, did the kids at school pick on you about this? Like I said yesterday, you aren’t a freak, you’ve always been this way and it’s nothing to be ashamed of,” he said. Steven was befuddled, how could she see this as normal? How could she possibly have no idea that he was changing? How could all of his pictures he of him like this? It was like his life was changing before his eyes, and yet somehow only he remembered the way it was supposed to be. But was he really meant to be human? Was he even really a human? Was he an animal who wanted to be human badly enough that he created a life and memories of being a human child and that seeing himself slowly becoming an animal was his minds way of pulling him out the delusion? Could it be that the way everyone seemed to see him being like this as normal and telling to accept it was his minds way of telling to accept being an animal? No, he wasn’t about to accept that! Despite that his face and head were telling him, he was a human kid! He was not about to accept that he was an animal! Trying to forget his worries, he sat up at the table and his mom made with breakfast and handed it to him. He ate the food, noticing how much stronger it tasted, he hadn’t of realized how much stronger his sense of smell and seemingly taste were. He ended up gobbling down the food, and congratulating his mother on such a succulent and tasty breakfast. She seemed confused; she hadn’t done anything out of the ordinary or cooked anything unusual.

Steve felt a bit happier; perhaps this wouldn’t be so bad after all. Maybe he really was always like this and if not maybe it was meant to happen. He hopped that this would be as far as it would go, he could probably learn to live with this, especially if it meant getting to taste food like that.

After brushing his teeth, he got dressed and kissed his mother goodbye and headed out the door for school. As usual, Tommy met him at the corner and they walked to school together. He had hoped that Tommy would see his features as a change or at the very least his teacher. He had never really liked school that much, getting to be with his friends made it tolerable but he would have been very happy to use having a raccoon head as an excuse to get out of it. Unfortunately, they too saw his metamorphoses as normal, when he looked at his class picture, he saw himself in it, he was wearing the same clothes he had remembered wearing, but had a raccoon head, tail, hands and feet. As impossible and surreal as this seemed, no one seemed bothered by his change, but was he even changing, maybe he really was already like this and he was only deluding himself into thinking otherwise. He came up with a plan that he hoped was failsafe.

That night after taking a bath, he used his digital camera to take a picture of himself in his underpants and printed it out. He made some notes on the picture that said raccoon and pointed with arrows to his raccoon parts and said human and pointed to his human parts. He nodded his head, and crawled into bed with the image in hand and went to sleep.

Wednesday

Steven awoke on Wednesday feeling even stranger; he simply didn’t feel like ‘himself’. When he opened his eyes, he saw that everything looked different. At first he thought there was something wrong with his vision. The covers on his bed were all wrong, his comforter was gone and he only had 2 blankets, both of which were made of material clearly not meant to hold in heat. His body felt wrong somehow and when he looked at his arms and chest, he saw why. His entire body was now covered in a pelt of soft gray-black fur. It seemed very well kept and clean. He felt his face with his obviously raccoon paw like hands and confirmed that he still had the head of an animal. He looked between his legs to see that he still had a long bushy ring tailed. He petted his fur; boy did it ever feel soft. It seemed that his sense of touch was far more sensitive. He took a deep breath through his nose and took in a vast array of scents that he had no idea even existed as a human. He could smell that his brother and mother had been in the room an hour or so ago. He slid over to the side of the bed and suddenly noticed that he could hear the ticking of his bedside clock extremely well, even his sense of hearing seemed enhanced. He slid off of his bed and onto the floor, suddenly altered by the sound of paper hitting the ground. He knelt down and picked it up. It was the same picture that he had taken of himself last night. He took a deep breath and opened the picture, gasping when he saw that the picture had changed. It was no longer a picture of a mostly human child with a raccoon head, tail, feet and hands but a picture of a raccoon person, what he was now. Even the notes he had made were different, instead of saying ‘raccoon’ and pointing to the raccoon parts and ‘human’ pointing to the human parts, it said ‘humanoid raccoon’. He was in disbelief, despite the fact that he felt really good like this, he was still very alarmed. He quickly ran over to his window and opened the blind, when he looked outside, everything looked normal. It seemed that his eyes were still working properly and that his bed and the picture being different really were as he saw them.

He seemed at a loss, everything felt real, this wasn’t a dream! He wondered if his clothes would be different and ran over to his clothes drawer and opened it. All of his shirts were very different, the material they were made of was far lighter and they were all short-sleeved, he had no long sleeved or sweat-shirts. He opened his pants drawer and saw that he only had shorts. When he opened his sock and underwear rawer, he discovered that all of his underwear were the same, but he only had a couple of pairs of socks.

None of this made any sense, it was as if his human life were slowly being changed into an animal life and that all traces of his former life were being changed as well, right down to people’s memories. It was like something out of horror novel. He tried looking for more evidence of his human self and remembered a picture he had drawn of himself and Tommy a couple of years ago. He opened his closest and found it after a few minutes. Even it had been changed, the drawing of his friend was how he had remembered it but the drawing of his was that of a raccoon person, complete with tail. He put the picture back and closed the closet door. As he lamented the latest changes, he caught wind of a wonderful smell; something was being cooked downstairs that smelled delicious. Temporarily forgetting that he was still in his underwear, he ran downstairs, dropping the digital picture he had taken of himself last night on the hallway floor. He ran down the stairs, his mouth watering from the aroma and ran into the kitchen. As with the past 2 days, his mother was cooking the breakfast as normal. She heard him run in and turned around.

“Good morning Stevie, how did you sleep? You must be hungry, you forgot to get dressed!” she said. Steven suddenly realized that he still only had his underwear on, his fur kept him so warm that he hadn’t even have noticed. He looked up at his mother in shock, how couldn’t she have noticed his changes? He wasn’t human at all anymore yet she acted as if he was just a normal human child! He looked at her with a look of fear in his face.

“Mom, don’t you notice something different about me?” he nervously asked.

“What do you mean sweetheart?” she asked. He looked at her like he was nuts before pointing to the fur on his chest, arms and legs.

“I’m a freak! My entire body is covered in fur and I have the face of an animal! I’m a freak!” he exclaimed. His mother looked surprised.

“Steve, we discussed this before, your not a freak, your just different. There is nothing wrong with being different.” She said, sounding as if this was a discussion that had taken place before. It was a discussion that was not uncommon for a kid to have with his parents, although it was usually over having an uncommon hair color or something but never over being an animal person! He wanted to plead with her, beg her to let him stay home from school so he could convince her that he wasn’t supposed to be like this and that everyone’s memory had somehow been altered! Or was his remembering being human and slowly changing over the past few days real or was it his imagination? Could he really be an animal person who felt self-consciousness enough about not be human that we created a fantasy world in which he was just a normal human and it seemed so appealing to him that he actually believed it? As he ate breakfast, again enjoying the tastes that now tasted incredible to him, he pondered those very questions.

When he finished, his mother told him to get dressed and get ready for school. As he walked upstairs, a part of him was relieved that he still had to go, at least this aspect of his human life was still intact. He got dressed in a blue shirt and shorts and looked at himself in the mirror. He had to admit that he actually was a cute animal person, the fur actually did suit him well and it would keep him warm on all but the coldest day. Despite this, he still felt sad, he had lost his humanity. He still had trouble thinking of himself as what he was now really being what he truly was. Was he an animal person who had wanted to be human so badly that he had convinced himself that he one? Or was he a human who had been turned into an animal person and all evidence of his being human had been erased, all except his human memory? These questions boggled his mind, it seemed as if the very nature of who and what he was was in question.

He tried to shake it off and again, walked to school, again with Tommy. As with Monday and Tuesday, the school day went without incident, no one acted as if his form as abnormal. Later that night, his mother asked him to take a bath, when he did, he noticed a separate soap from his usual, it was a bottle of animal soap. Something inside of him told him that this was normal for him to use, and he did so.

After getting dried, he walked into his room and deeply sighed. He looked at his bed and was almost afraid to go to bed; he had no idea what the next day would bring. But it was getting late and he was tired, it seemed he had little choice. He crawled into bed and his mother and father kissed him goodnight and closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

That night he had very strange dreams, he was in a forest, he was his human self and he was naked. Oddly he wasn’t cold. He could see a raccoon running towards him and it seemed to be talking to him.

“Steven, this isn’t real, your aren’t really like this, accept what you really are!” it said, over and over. He yelled at it to leave him alone, he demanded that he is changed back to his normal human self and his human life restored. The raccoon shook his head,

“You don’t have a human life, your not human, accept what you are!” it said. When he tried to respond, only animal like sounds came out of his mouth. There was a flash of light and suddenly he was a raccoon. He was standing alone in the forest. He tried to call out for help but no one answered. He suddenly heard a strange sound, something telling him to wake up.

Thursday

Steven awoke to his younger brother telling to wake up. He opened his eyes and uncurled himself. He knew right away that something was seriously wrong. He had been sleeping curled up in a little ball and he had no clothes on. He was definitely no longer a raccoon person, he looked more like a normal raccoon, albeit a huge one. He had been sleeping on an animal bed beside his brother’s bed, when he tried to stand up on two feet; his center of gravity seemed off.

“Good morning Stevie!” his brother said, petting him on the head. This was seriously messed up, not only was he no longer human but he seemed almost totally animal! As his brother climbed out of bed and walked towards the bathroom, Steven tried to walk on two feet. He almost managed it, but it was very hard. Something inside of him was telling him to walk on four feet. He looked himself over and saw that his hips and legs were a shape that would support four-legged movement far easier then two. With a sigh, he walked out of the room and waited by the bathroom door. On his way, he saw that his brother’s room was now a study type room with a computer in it and that his room was now his brother’s room.

He tried to fathom exactly what he was, he was definitely not human anymore and he didn’t have clothes. He seemed almost completely animal, although he still seemed to have some aspect of his humanity left. As his brother finished, washed his hands and opened the door, he petted Steven and told him that he could use the bathroom now. Steven did so and walked into it on all fours and closed the door behind him. He got a good look at himself in the mirror. He looked like a normal raccoon, but he was the size of a large dog. He seemed to be a young raccoon as well, about the same age equivalent as his human self. He managed to go to the bathroom using the toilet and washed his paws before drying off and opening to door where his brother was waiting.

“Going to the bathroom with the door closed? You never did that before? You feel okay?” his brother asked. Something inside of Steven told him that he could still talk, so he did his best to try to explain the situation.

“Something is wrong with me, I’m not supposed to be like this, I’m a human just like you and the past 4 days I’ve been getting more and more animal like, help me!” he said. It was difficult for him to talk, but he managed it.

“Human? What do you mean you’re a human? They said that your gonna be nearly the size of a human adult when your fully grown, but your still a raccoon, just a huge one. I know you can talk and like to go to the bathroom like a person, but your not a human. They said that you might something think your were really a person in an animals body your not.” he answered, hugging him.

“Well, I’d better hurry up and eat so I can get to school, I don’t want to keep Tom waiting.” Steve said, referring to his friend.

“Tom? School? You don’t go to school, why would you want to go to school? Tom’s our friend, he comes over usually every day, and you guys like to play, remember? You feeling okay Steve?” his brother said.

Steve nodded his head and turned towards the stairs to begin walking downstairs. He was in total disbelief. When he walked by the family pictures, he was only in a couple of ones that were taken in their living room. He didn’t know what to think. His human life was being taken away from him little by little, bit by bit. Yet, no one thought of this as unusual and everything made it look like he had always been this way. He just didn’t understand it and started wondering if he really was an animal who dreamed of being human and had convinced himself that he truly was and that all of what had happened had been a dream. But he didn’t want to accept this, what if he really was a human whose humanity and human life were being robbed? Or what if he was a human child who was only dreaming he was turning into an animal? If he were to discount either possibility, he could end up losing himself to this form and end up like this forever! He did like one thing though; he didn’t have to go to school! It did appear as if his friend Tom was still his friend and not having to wear clothes didn’t seem so bad to him. Walking around wearing nothing but his fur made him feel silly.

“Hmmm, maybe if I’m gonna stay like this, then maybe it won’t be so bad” he thought. Although, he still did wonder. He walked into the kitchen and his mother petted him and put a bowl of something that looked like dog food onto the floor. At first he was disgusted by the idea of eating it, but it smelled incredible to him and his hunger convinced him to try it. Each piece of food tasted incredible! It was like his mouth was coming alive with flavor and he quickly gobbled the entire thing down. His mother laughed, saying that he must have been hungry to eat so fast.

He again tried to explain what was happening to her, but like with his brother, she said that he was just imaging things and needed to accept what he was.

He spent the rest of the day playing outside in the backyard with his brother. He had more fun then he had had in a very long time. As the day progressed, he started getting more and more comfortable with being what he was. Later in the day, Tom showed up and gave him a belly rub that he loved. While a part of him was sad for losing his humanity, he really did have to wonder if he was losing his humanity or regaining what he really was. This form felt almost normal to him, which creeped him out. He still had his friends and family, and he still was himself, he just simply different on the outside.

Later that night, as he curled up beside his brother’s bed, he secretly hoped that he would wake up as his human self the next day and discover that this had all been a dream. But really did wonder if his human self was real and that his raccoon self was who and what he truly was.

That night, he again had a strange dream. He was his human self again, this time he was fully dressed and standing in his backyard looking at a raccoon. He looked at the animal and inquired as to it’s identify. The raccoon smiled and walked over to him. He knelt down and petted the animal, oddly when he petted its head he felt as if something were petting his own head. His raccoon looked at him, and nuzzled against his hands.

“I’m you, you’re me. This is who you really are Steve, what’s been happening to you is simply your minds way of easing you back into your true form.” It said in a soothing tone.

“I don’t understand.” Steve said.

“Yes you do, you were so curious about being human that you found yourself wanting to be one. Your mind created memories of a human life and even made you think you were human and living a human life as a human child. The way you enjoyed yourself today, you could feel a desire to let go and embrace being something other then human.” It said.

“Yes, I could, it was a lot of fun. But how do I know that this is true and that I really was a human child whose life has been slowly taken away from me?” Steve asked.

“Because, I am you, in a sense you’re talking to yourself now. The fact that you see me as your true form and not as a human, it shows your ready to accept what you are.” It said. Steve suddenly found himself getting furrier, and smaller, his face changed and in a matter of seconds he was a raccoon that looked just like the one he was talking to.

“I’m starting to remember now, I was fascinated with the humans, I wanted to experience life as one. I must have become so caught up in that desire that I actually thought I was a human child instead of an 8-month-old raccoon. It’s all starting to make sense now. Thank you for helping me realize what I am.” Steve said as he hugged the animal.

“My pleasure” the raccoon said. Everything began to get fuzzy and incoherent as Steve found himself waking up.

Friday

Steve opened his eyes and uncurled. He was lying beside the human Johnny, the human he had thought was his biological bother. He was a normal young raccoon, and chirred at the human as he woke up. The Human petted his soft fur before getting out of bed.

As Steven climbed out of bed, he felt like himself again. It felt natural being this way, and he was ready to start a new day, the human Tom would be coming over soon to play with him and he always loved the belly rubs he gave him.

As he walked down the stairs, he found himself wondering for a second if he really was a raccoon who had dreamed of being human and that this was is true form and true life, or if he was a human child who had lost his humanity. As he saw his mother greeting him and pouring his food, his giggled and thought ‘nah’.